Its been about 6 months since i was diagnosed with the thang. That’s what i like to call it. The thang. 🙂 i can walk normally again and i do feel better physically, so that’s good. I do have a lot of permanent damage ( i guess that’s what you can call it) but it could be so much worse… of course i stay hopeful that i wont have any massive bleed anytime soon that will cause more permanent damage. Right now, i feel the most consequences in my “head”… memory, processing, the way my brain hear sounds… its been a true, real challenge… but since i don’t talk about it, most people don’t know. When i do try to explain how i feel, and what it does. i am often met with some “oh, im like that too”. or “Oh, i forget everything too”. I know people don’t mean to… but its hurtful. I am not looking for pity or even compassion, but if you ask me how im feeling and i am sharing my struggles… don’t belittle them, encourage me instead. I guess this is why i got to think why should i bother share how i feel even here..
I know that the fact that i dont work anymore has slowed down the progress of the cavernoma. I am getting more sleep, too. I know this new lifestyle is contributing big time to me feeling better. It just depresses me sometimes to be one of those people who cant be very active. It’s not me… i have always been active and full of energy…
Go ahead… tell me “oh its ok, i’ve never been active, you’ll be ok”. haha
How about we turn the tables around…. i tell you “by tomorrow, you need to be up at 6am, not sit down all day long until 11pm, workout at least an hour, and give you a list of all the things i use to physically do” Its ok, you’ll be ok.. i used to do it!! you’ll be ok.
Christmas is almost here!! I have been good this year 🙂 As I should of been all these years, but i took it for granted!! I finally shipped Christmas packages to my family in Canada, and had Christmas cards made! That’s 2 miracles. hahaha My Christmas packages were always at least 4 months late. Yes, you read right…. this is the first time that i send in time for Christmas. I am so proud of myself. hahaha
I lost 20 pounds. I am proud of that too 🙂 WOOT I have more energy too since this new diet. I eat about 70% veggies and fruits, and the rest lean meat, nuts and complex carbs I need to cut the carbs again because i stopped losing. I have another 10 to lose. I dont want to be skinny, i just want to reach a weight that wont make it too difficult for me to maintain within the range i want! I WILL gain some back and reach a good maintain level, so its always good to lose 5 pounds more than you need, just to give you this window.
I started corresponding with 2 death row inmates!! Its been a blessing. I decided to do that when one night, i realized that’s how i felt.. a death row inmates. One of them didnt directly killed anybody, he was 17 and was with someone who shot a store clerk. I didnt know you could be on death row for something you didnt directly do. The other one killed by accident, and after reading about it online, his story is plausible. Either way, they are on death row. Each have 1% chance of getting off death row. My tumor has 1% chance of becoming inactive. You can be on death row for 3 years, or 30, just like me 🙂 We have a lot in common… only, i didnt do anything to end up in Jail. But most of all, i am with the ones i love and that’s priceless!!!